Rain falls on the just and the unjust.: February 2005

my design business
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Lessons from Halloween
The sin of low expectations
At the crossroads
Friend or foe
The memo I didn't send
The lazy stroke
Blown away
Watching it snow
Bad Karma

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February 28, 2005 :: Water water everywhere

I started writing this post 8 months ago. Actually, to be more precise, I started writing a post on this topic 8 months ago, but never finished or published it. It was not only the post, but my own thoughts that were incomplete. They still are, but I figure writing and publishing it will help me to form my thoughts further.

I have begun to notice what my friends have been saying for years: that I surround myself with women. After a rather overbooked February social calendar (I thought people went into hibernation in the winter around here), I sat down to take a tally of my last three weekends. By my own count, I've hung out with at least 23 different women, some on multiple occasions. I might have forgotten a couple, too. Mind you, that doesn't mean 23 dates. Only a couple of them would qualify as actual dates. The rest were occasions where it was either me and a bunch of women (like the pre-Valentine's day lonely hearts dinner), or a few other guys in the mix, but still mostly women.

Others (most notably a dear friend in New York) have remarked that I like and I am attracted to women who are in some way unavailable, because they are safe. There might be some truth to that. Because I'm not really dating any of them. Yeah, I had a couple of dates, but one of them is a certain dead-ender, and the other I didn't even realize was a date until it was 2/3 done... I wasn't even thinking of it that way until she said something.

And yet, I have reasons for not wanting to date most of these women. Sure, I am interested in a few of them, but then other things stop me. For example:

A friend of a friend whom I just met... attractive, smart, and 1 month out of a 5 year relationship. Rebound city.
A woman who I've eyed on more than one occasion, but she always seemed to flake out on group invitations. Now I know why: she lives 40 miles outside the city. I wouldn't come hang out either. That's farther than I want to travel for a S.O., but I am going to contradict myself in a minute...
A woman who I thought about dating at one point... but in our phone conversations her negativity was so intense I thought my ear was going to melt off. She's smart, witty, clever, and cute, but she has a LOT of issues to sort out.
A woman who lives 9 hours away. I like her, she likes me, but I have a rule about starting relationships long-distance for a reason. I haven't ruled her out yet, but I am not bullish either.
Etc. etc. etc.

I could go on and on like this, but eventually it starts to sound like what it is... a litany of excuses. Some part of me has decided that dating is not worth the stress, headaches, time and money spent, and I decided to collect a few women I could call to hang out with. There is somebody on my list for every occasion... a movie, a party, an art show, a job function, whatever. In some way, this works for me. I like the company of women, and I have it. But in other ways, it leaves me wanting. Could I live the rest of my life this way? My oldest brother is doing it, in a way... he is 45, never married, no kids, and there are probably 10 times as many women that find him attractive and want to be in his company. Yet I think he, too, sees this lifestyle as lacking.

One of these days, I will figure this out.

February 17, 2005 :: St. Valentine's game

My Valentine's day was pretty uneventful, by design. Nobody in the picture is worth getting worked up over, so I just kept a low profile. The day before, I went to a "Celebration of Singlehood" (read: Lonelyhearts Club) dinner put together by a friend of mine, which ended up being me and seven women. Feeling generous (and noting the unusually cheap prices), I decided to pick up the tab for everyone. For the low, low price of $167, I bought some good karma, and my stock went up in a broad group. Surely one of these women has a friend to whom she can spread the good word.

In an unrelated story... a while ago, I was sorta dating this girl I met back in October. We went out maybe 5 or 6 times, but spread out over 3 months. I could always tell something was on her mind, but I thought it had to do with her living situation. Turned out, she had a boyfriend the whole time, and had this grand plan that she was going to dump him and become MY girlfriend, without anyone being the wiser... except that she never dumped him, and I never said anything to her about being my girlfriend. So when I coaxed the truth from her cousin and confronted her, she had a bunch of lame excuses. I dropped her like a bag of rocks.

Yesterday, this girl popped up on my IM and asked me if I had received anything from any secret admirers on V-day. I didn't receive anything at all, so I was puzzled and asked if she knew something I didn't. She went into this whole spiel about how she sent flowers to me, and was surprised I didn't receive them. As far as I know, she has never had any of my addresses, so there is no way she could have sent me anything. And as it turns out, she was apparently trying to be funny. Say what?!?

Epilogue
I bought a new coat on sale at Hecht's winter clearance. Better fabric (wool/cashmere blend), better fit, better price than the first ($167????). I bought a new phone... and how about, I'm in love with the fact that it already knows how to pronounce most of my friend's names? A few of the more... shall we say "black" names it has trouble with, but most are cool. so I can say "call gecko" and it will dial... fabulous. And as for the MRI? Bursitis is the official diagnosis (isn't that a disease old people get???), and my knee feels a lot better, even though it's not 100%. So things worked out ok, I guess.