February 28, 2005 :: Water water everywhere

I started writing this post 8 months ago. Actually, to be more precise, I started writing a post on this topic 8 months ago, but never finished or published it. It was not only the post, but my own thoughts that were incomplete. They still are, but I figure writing and publishing it will help me to form my thoughts further.

I have begun to notice what my friends have been saying for years: that I surround myself with women. After a rather overbooked February social calendar (I thought people went into hibernation in the winter around here), I sat down to take a tally of my last three weekends. By my own count, I've hung out with at least 23 different women, some on multiple occasions. I might have forgotten a couple, too. Mind you, that doesn't mean 23 dates. Only a couple of them would qualify as actual dates. The rest were occasions where it was either me and a bunch of women (like the pre-Valentine's day lonely hearts dinner), or a few other guys in the mix, but still mostly women.

Others (most notably a dear friend in New York) have remarked that I like and I am attracted to women who are in some way unavailable, because they are safe. There might be some truth to that. Because I'm not really dating any of them. Yeah, I had a couple of dates, but one of them is a certain dead-ender, and the other I didn't even realize was a date until it was 2/3 done... I wasn't even thinking of it that way until she said something.

And yet, I have reasons for not wanting to date most of these women. Sure, I am interested in a few of them, but then other things stop me. For example:

• A friend of a friend whom I just met... attractive, smart, and 1 month out of a 5 year relationship. Rebound city.
  
• A woman who I've eyed on more than one occasion, but she always seemed to flake out on group invitations. Now I know why: she lives 40 miles outside the city. I wouldn't come hang out either. That's farther than I want to travel for a S.O., but I am going to contradict myself in a minute...
  
• A woman who I thought about dating at one point... but in our phone conversations her negativity was so intense I thought my ear was going to melt off. She's smart, witty, clever, and cute, but she has a LOT of issues to sort out.
  
• A woman who lives 9 hours away. I like her, she likes me, but I have a rule about starting relationships long-distance for a reason. I haven't ruled her out yet, but I am not bullish either.
  
• Etc. etc. etc.
  

I could go on and on like this, but eventually it starts to sound like what it is... a litany of excuses. Some part of me has decided that dating is not worth the stress, headaches, time and money spent, and I decided to collect a few women I could call to hang out with. There is somebody on my list for every occasion... a movie, a party, an art show, a job function, whatever. In some way, this works for me. I like the company of women, and I have it. But in other ways, it leaves me wanting. Could I live the rest of my life this way? My oldest brother is doing it, in a way... he is 45, never married, no kids, and there are probably 10 times as many women that find him attractive and want to be in his company. Yet I think he, too, sees this lifestyle as lacking.

One of these days, I will figure this out.

posted by Rainmayun at 10:37 AM -

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