November 23, 2004 :: Strap up, young man

For those of you who don't already know, my 30th birthday will be here in less than a week. I have mostly come to terms with the "damn, I'm supposed to be grown now and haven't accomplished all my life's goals yet" part of things, and I am eagerly anticipating my own present to myself: a weeklong trip to Puerto Plata in the Dominican Republic.

I started out with a grand vision of what this vacation was going to be about: 3 weeks on the beach in Bahia, wandering from beachtown to beachtown, staying in family run hotels, taking lots of photographs and sipping enough caipirinhas served by beautiful local girls to stay happy but not so many that my camera got stolen and I ended up with a knife in my chest in a back alley. Then I started tallying up what that would cost, and looking at my limited vacation days. So I scaled back... thanks to a bad hurricane season, packages to the Caribbean have been quite cheap this fall. I booked the DR for about 1/3 of what Brazil was looking to cost, and got a beachfront resort to boot.

I'm going alone. When I was planning Brazil, I was telling any and everybody who wanted to come along that they were welcome. But then my plans changed, and everybody brought along their agendas, wants & desires (as everyone is so wont to do), and it was beginning to be more of a headache than the pure relaxation I envisioned. I cut everybody.... sorry folks, I'll vacation with you next year. This one is all about ME.

So then of course people have all kinds of advice, but one thing in particular keeps popping up: "Bring lots of condoms". I must admit, I am well aware that there are lots of beautiful brown women in the DR (that's one of the criteria I was using when selecting a destination), but my vision of going on sex tours to third world countries is a bit scary. I'm wise enough to know that people who come down here aren't having whirlwind romances with local ladies, they are hiring prostitutes. Third world prostitutes with third world diseases frighten the snot out of me, even at third world prices. Not at all my cup of tea. So I tell everyone, what the hell do I need all these condoms for? I'm not hiring any prostitutes in the DR, no matter how cheap they are. They say, just bring the condoms anyway.

One friends (mslipsnhips over on the right side there, although she's pretty much blog-comatose right now) said that it's not about the prostitutes, it's about the local women who are so fed up with their men chasing any old Euro-hag who comes to the resorts that they will want to seduce me to get back at their men. Granted, her credibility in this matter is supreme, given that she just got back from Puerto Plata about a week ago, but this scenario sounds about as likely as me winning the Ron Artest Lawsuit Settlement Lottery at tonight's Pacers-Wizards game. I just don't see the local ladies involving me in some ol' get-back sex, and I certainly don't want any local men coming after me for it.

There was one other thing people kept remarking upon... the possibility of me finding a wife (given last year's birthday resolution which, for the sake of my own already tarnished reputation, I will not here elaborate upon) and bringing her back. Granted, I do not have the most idealistic opinion about marriage, but I have great respect for the institution (maybe even too great for me). I have no desire to go find some desperately poor woman who sees me and a minimally short 2 year marriage as her ticket to a green card and the golden life in America. I suppose if she takes over all the domestic duties in the house, it's like having one really expensive maid with "benefits"... but still, not my cup of tea. As of right now, all I'll be bringing back from the DR with me is pictures.

posted by Rainmayun at 5:28 PM -