May 02, 2006 :: Vegas outtakes

» There seems to be more silicon here than in Silicon Valley. Vegas is on a par with Southern California and Texas now, it seems, for who has the most implants. And the richer the hotel, the more plentiful (and bigger) they seem to get. At some point, a woman who's 5'10" and a size 2 ought to know that grapefruit-sized triple Ds just don't look right or remotely natural. And I didn't even set foot in a strip club.

» My sister and brother-in-law were having a field day with that, too. Every time some woman with ridiculous enhancements would walk by, one of them would say "bigger!" (sort of the same way the Parkay dish says "butter!")

» My cousin with the cute baby that I had never met before? She's rather fine. Even my uncle had to comment on her ass. That made me feel like a dirty old man. Then again, her grandmother and my grandmother were sisters. That means we share approximately 3.125% of the same DNA, if I did the math right. So I'm not sure if leering at her is immoral or not. I am sure that, had I met her in a different setting, the full court press would have been on.

» I think I successfully dodged a street scam. In front of the Mirage hotel, there is a beautiful waterfall display. As I was walking down the strip toward the mall, an elderly Asian couple who seemed barely to know English held a camera and looked around for help. The sidewalk was not crowded, but most people were coupled up or in groups. The lady stopped me and asked if I would take their picture. I was already suspicious, but I'm a nice guy, so as I took the camera (and the man tried to explain to me where to push the button), I switched my wallet from my back pocket to my front pocket, just as a young white couple walked far too close to me than was necessary. I think the guy saw me switch the wallet, and I moved to a position that was away from the couple as the man pointed out to me that I needed to move for the light anyway. I think he was trying to distract me. I still have my wallet, and they got a picture they probably will never print. Then again, maybe I'm just paranoid.

» I found $5 on the floor in Macy's. It didn't quite cover the cost of the boxer briefs I had to buy when I "discovered" my additional day of stay. I can't believe I spent $22 on a pair of underwear, but I guess this is what women go through at Vickie's every day. They are some super high tech mesh fabric for summer wear, and I'm wearing them today. I do have to say, they are quite comfortable... they might just become my summer draws of choice. But I won't be buying a drawerful at $22 apiece.

» Las Vegas' Airport has free wireless access. That's fabulous! It's a great way to pass the time while waiting for a flight. Unfortunately, where my gate is, there aren't a lot of electric sockets. I see one guy in the perfect seat, but he already has his laptop out. I walk closer to see if I can angle myself, and a couple of women sit down on the other side of the socket. Damn. He's not even using the socket! So I walk around from gate to gate (it's a circular rotunda with maybe 6 gates in it) and bench after bench has people asleep. At first I thought they were homeless, then I realized homeless people probably can't get past TSA security. Then I realized they are hapless travelers who decided to spend the night in the airport. Sympathetic employees probably placed the blankets on them. So I decided not to curse them under my breath for taking up all the benches near plugs, and I sat on the floor near one.

» And just for kicks, I decided to see if porn sites were blocked on the free public wireless. Nope, every bit gets through. You gotta love Vegas!

posted by Rainmayun at 12:05 PM -