August 18, 2005 :: Confessions

WARNING:
The following is a confessional of a lot of random thoughts from the dark corners of my brain, a good deal of which involve prurient interest. If you are squeamish, or don't wish to know bad or creepy things about me, don't read any further. Don't say you weren't warned.

• My job isn't that bad. I get paid well, I get to come in pretty much whenever I want, and they think I'm brilliant. Lately I get in around 11am. Of course, if they really think I am brilliant, why do they give me such menial labor?


• I once wondered whether sleeping with my boss would get me ahead. Yes, my actual boss at the time. No, I didn't do it.


• In hindsight, it probably wouldn't have made much of a difference. Apparently a lot of that sort of fraternization goes on around here.


• I sometimes turn up the volume on a porno just to see if the neighbor's kids are listening on the other side of the wall. So far, they haven't responded.


• I have a fondness for alcohol. So far, I'm not an alcoholic, although a glance at my dad encourages me to be careful.


• Like many men, I sometimes wonder how women would react differently if my *ahem* member was significantly larger than it currently is. I don't think I could have been a porn star, though, because what else could you do with your life after that?


• When driving, and the weather is hot, I glance at any scantily clad female figure walking down the street. More often than not, in my neighborhood, they are underage, and I mentally slap myself for looking.


• Occasionally, they are grannies, and then I still feel bad, but not as bad.


• Panty lines, on the right woman, are sometimes sexy.


• Not granny panties, though.


• I once had regular sex with a woman who had a false tooth. She wore this plate in her mouth with the fake tooth on it. For the longest time, I just thought she didn't like kissing.


• Yes, (usually) she took it out when we had sex. Don't ask me how I didn't notice.


• I walk around my house naked fairly often. Usually, though, I at least have on underwear. If I ever move in with someone, or someone moves in with me, this will be a hard habit to break.


• I keep a shoebox full of jetsam and detritus from every woman I've ever interacted with on a romantic level. When I get married, I'll burn it.


• Some of the stuff in there probably won't burn too well. I'll need an industrial strength incinerator to get it to ashes.


• One of the things that's not in the box is a Mardi Gras doll named Kokeeta (don't ask). I like to think she brings me good luck. Upon reflection of the relationship that was involved, she probably does the opposite.


• Some people's blogs make me dizzy. I mean, what the hell are they talking about? I never know.


• No, I'm not going to name names. I'm not that mean.


• I envy people who get to work downtown on K street, L street, or anywhere that a lot of other black people work. By virtue of my profession, I'm never around very many black people.


• Consequently, I've never had an office romance. Although there are a couple of Indians and a Pakistani girl here who are cute. And the Haitian girl quit before we really started talking, so it doesn't count.


• I first discovered internet porn while I was a summer intern at NASA. Suddenly, the reason for the internet became obvious.


• I discovered that the range of kink goes WAAAY off the chart when one of my college classmates who interned at another NASA site that same summer came back to campus with porn that made me cringe.


• I sometimes envy people who are blissfully ignorant. A little knowledge can be a terrifying thing.


• I also pity them.


• I wish I was rich primarily so I would never have to think about money again. Somehow, a small part of me suspects even that wouldn't help.


• In which case I wish I had just enough to get the things I want, which really isn't much, because I don't really care about money for its own sake.

posted by Rainmayun at 5:37 PM -